i fuckin love you

it sounds so easy to say it. "i'm gonna talk to him, it's no big deal", but then you get there and he's sitting there all quiet, and you can't understand how to start the conversation "hey... i have never talked to you before, but now i have finally the guts to talk to you. i've been looking at you for about one year, and i love you, and i wanna get old with you... so... can i borrow a pen?
fuck, my friends, who btw know's him (omg omg), says he's really nice and i have no reason to be scared to talk to him. sure! that's like telling me that i don't need to be scared of spiders, "they're not gonna kill you". i know that(!), but love (or spiders) are not rashional things, it's easy to say that he's nice, and he wont kill you if you talk to him, the hard part is to DO IT!
but the worst part is that i know that if i go over to him and talk to him, and he's evil, then... he's not the guy for me, and he's just an asshole. because i should be able to say whatever's on my mind, and if he doesn't like that.. then fuck off. he's just a bit shy... just like me, and i think that if he had liked me then he would talk to me, but i like him, and i just don't have the guts to talk to him, and it ruins everything!
but i thinks he likes me... and i mean, what the hell is not to like about me!
and if i don't do it, will i think back in 10 years and wonder what would happen if i talked to him? i should just do it, and if he doesn't like me then fuck'im!
but i think for the moment i will focus on myself and my friends and family, and feel better about me, and then when that's done i can go after someone else. i really believe that to be loved you have to love yourself. i'm gettin there xx